I only noticed Charlie Sheen when Sheen’s war of words with his “Two And a Half Men” producers broke sufficiently to make it to the Radio 4 news. I heard it — but failed to become interested enough to take much notice.
Charlie Sheen induces not an iota of interest in me. I watched very few of his films and avoided the sitcom because it bored me. I love sitcoms but relate very little to him or his.
I read and blog a lot about mental health issues. I relate to the subject as someone trying to recover from my own issues. And I relate to comedies about people with foibles they actively try to overcome. Don’t even get me started about “Scrubs” – I love it so much I’ll gush embarrassingly.
So when the Sheen story oddness escalated and the various media put forward proclaimed pundits who bandied terms like “manic” and “bipolar disorder” I started to notice. I suffer from a mood disorder and, perhaps mistakenly, believe the more celebrities who come forward with their issues, the more normal and acceptable people will find it. Or at least just start seeing it as an illness rather than a moral failing. So I started to pay attention the endless replays on his recent television interviews.
I listened and draw conclusions based on nothing professional at all; however, I believe he’s neither manic, nor suffering from anxiety and narcolepsy as some suggest. I’ll put my chip on a square in the furthest corner of the “What’s wrong with Charlie” pool – narcissism.
I grew up with a narcissist – my father. I say grew up with rather than “was raised by” because he assumed no responsibility for raising me. When I was young I was lived in a boarding school 8,000 miles away. During high school I lived at home and my dad lived in bars and with various girlfriends. At one point he married one – his third and very much his briefest marriage (there was one more marriage to come) but never admitted it me until years later.
Why I believe Sheen exhibits narcissistic traits is the delusions of grandeur he displays. My dad talked the same talk. His drinking would never affect him, his constitution was too damn strong and he was going to live past 100 – his conviction on those points never wavered. Gods spoke to him in dreams. When wanting to impress someone he concocted stories – one day he’d say he worked as a lawyer, the next a doctor and another a real estate magnate. Towards the end of his life he convinced people he’d won the lottery and ended up “loaning” (i.e. he never got the money back) most of his (very good!) civil service final salary pension went to people around him in order to keep hold his aged entourage around him. Needless to say I ended up with no money when he passed away, in spite of on paper being the largest beneficiary on paper.
Don’t get me wrong – I’m not at all bitter about that last one. I feel no ownership of money that was never mine. Admittedly I often feel I inherited horrible luck, however, just by dint of having that man as a dad.
While initially being interested in Charlie Sheen’s story, perhaps even ready to feel some empathy for him – after all, I suffer from a mood disorder and PTSD – my experiences with my dad mean I try and sometimes fail to have so much sympathy — for narcissistic personalities.
Let me stop you thinking something right here. I understand the negative connotations of the word “narcissism” but I utterly reject the concept personality traits, even disorders, carry a moral component. They may, practically, make people difficult or impossible to live with or even befriend for long periods, but I see any illness, either learned or suddenly afflicted as unfortunate, not immoral. If you take one thing from my blog posts let it be this: people with any sort of illness aren’t inherently contemptible; nobody chooses to be unwell, regardless of the cause.
The people I admire are those who choose to get well, to overcome or at least not be defeated by being unwell. I don’t see that with Sheen – I see the usual traits – blaming everyone else for everything, needing to be the centre of attention, the delusions of grandeur, etc. And I’ve seen enough of that for one lifetime. And Sheen surrounds himself with an admiring, if not outright sycophantic entourage, so he’ll never want for reassurance and never flinch in his beliefs. Who I do feel sorry for are the people who worked on the show who lost their jobs due to the row.
I suppose, like anyone, when I do see someone who has issues I secretly hope for some sort of breakthrough, some moment of clarity where they can see the outcome of their actions and at least, however hidden from view, feel remorse for the damage and destruction they may have caused others. I know, wishful thinking and not realistic.
So as I watch the news I do say to myself, “I’m really glad I’m not him.” To me no amount of money or fame can make me happy or make me healthy – in my case continuing to explore my illness, owning my behaviour and continually trying to get better suits me much better than being a successful narcissist. I only have to think of my father to remember that.